Innocence

“Look, Nairi, I’m climbing on the structure!”

“Watch me go down the slide, Nairi!”

“Here you go, Nairi, here’s a marker for you.  Draw a doggy with me!”

“Nairi, I found a leaf!  I’m giving it to you!”

Sometimes, I feel as if the sixteen little voices are with me all the time.  Whether I’m in class, in my dorm room, or at they gym, I feel as if they follow me.  I guess it’s easy for anyone to get attached to such adorable two year olds.  What I’ve realized though, is how hard it is going to be to let go.  

I remember sitting through orientation when I first got the job at LMU Children’s Center.  It was a hot September day, and I was so excited about starting my very first real, paid job.  I had worn a dress, why I don’t know.  Who wears a dress when working with kids?  Anyways, the two other newly hired student workers and I sat through about an hour of rules, regulations, and daily life at LMUCC.  Don’t give in to temper tantrums.  Do encourage the kids to try and do things on their own.  Put safety first, but have fun at the same time.  Be positive role models, because we are the ones that these kids look up to.  It was a lot to remember, but I couldn’t wait to actually put this training to use.

Now that I have been working there for almost two years, I have gotten used to the routine there and what to do for my shifts: clean the classrooms, wash the dishes, help set up for snack and lunch, put the cots out for nap, and supervise the children.  I now also know the kids well enough to know how to handle certain situations such as fights, tantrums, and minor injuries.  While I’ve been working at LMUCC, I have also realized that I have tried to remember my own experiences in preschool more than sixteen years ago.  However, as hard as I try to remember, I only recall very few of my experiences.  I hardly remember the day-to-day routines, the nap times, or even what my teachers were like.  

My lack of memories of preschool really got me thinking.  These children look up to me and love me now, and since LMUCC has a continuity of care policy, I will watch them grow for the next two years.  But even though I will be a part of their lives for about four years, will they remember me twenty, ten, even five years from now?  Maybe a little bit, but surely not to the extent in which I will remember them.  Once I realized this, I began to realize something else.

I know I’m the one who’s supposed to be making an impact on their lives, but the impact they have made on mine far outweighs the impact I’ve made on theirs.  They give me an escape from the real world and pull me into a world of games, toys, and play pretend.  A world of innocence.  Although these children may not remember me, or may only have vivid memories of me as they get older, I will always remember each and every one of them.  In about two years, I will be graduating college and will no longer attend LMU or work at LMUCC.  In addition, the children I work with will be graduating from the center and moving on to kindergarden.  However, those sixteen little voices will be with me forever, and they will follow me regardless of where I end up in my life.  

-Nairi Dulgarian