The Beauty Of Prayer

As I have grown older I have struggled with maintaining a level of spirituality. I often question my methods of praying and doubt my ability to pray “effectively.” Although I am well aware that there is no right or wrong way to pray, I believe that I am lacking in the levels of spirituality sought out by my faith.

As a Catholic woman, born and raised, who has attended religious affiliated schools, my Catholic faith has always been embraced, encouraged and fostered. However, I struggle with the practice of freeing my mind and escaping into a state of peace, solitude and prayer. In its basic form, praying is meditating. Taking a step back from our busy lives to just breathe and reflect upon our life and the life of those living around us. I know what it is and what it means to free yourself, but I can’t manage to escape into it. Regardless of my ability to pray the way I believe I should, I still practice my own form of prayer. Whether it is a “Hail Mary”, “Our Father” or a mumbling of words asking for God’s healing; I know he is listening. I have learned that no matter how you talk to God or what you pray for, our prayers are answered in some form or another. That is the beauty of it. God works in mysterious ways. Ways in which I don’t think us humans can fully grasp. He has a will and reason for all of his good works. We just have to find a way to open our hearts and minds to understanding how and why he performs his goodness.

This past week my mind was tested as my faith was ultimately restored and my prayers answered. My great uncle had unexpectedly been suffering from kidney cancer; a disease I learned he battled with over ten years ago. He had won the first battle, but lost this one because he only had one kidney left to try and function in his deteriorating body. His battle with cancer, the symptoms, the emotions, the inability to care for himself was something I was all too familiar with. My grandfather had passed away from esophageal cancer almost two years ago and it remains fresh in my mind. I have come to realize that there are similarities and differences with every case, but in the case of my Uncle Rudy his second battle with cancer defeated him sooner than we could have thought.

When I became aware of his illness and how aggressive the cancer was, as blood flooded into his kidney, I prayed. I prayed the way I knew how. I asked God that he may find peace amongst all this turmoil and be at peace during his passing. A day before he died he was hallucinating and given a strong dose of a hallucinogenic to calm him. It appeared to have help because the next morning he was at ease with his current physical state. However, that evening Tuesday, February 19, 2013 at 8:21 pm he passed away in his sleep, as his immediate family stood holding hands alongside his bed. Although it was devastating to watch their husband, father, father-in-law and grandfather leave them on earth, they were reassured by the kindness of God’s good graces that he was in a better place and would live on in their hearts forever.

It was at 9:23 pm that I received the call about my uncle. At the time I felt a little sigh of relief. My prayers answered. He was out of his pain and reached a state of ultimate peace. The life he was living was not quality of life. It was hardly living at all. But now he was on his way up to heaven to be with my grandpa, to be another guardian angel that would watch over my family as we grow. I know deep down that he is in a better place. A place I can only imagine, but truly believe in. A place I believe hears every form of prayer I mumble. So, for these reasons I continue to pray.  

 -Andrea