Letting Go

He’s the guy all the girls want. Tall, athletic, nice body, and very sweet. He’s such a flirt, with any girl that walks by. Such a player and yet, so irresistible. He makes you feel like it’s all about you. He owns you, but in a good way. Places his jacket around you when you are cold. Walks with his arms around you as if to say you are mine. He opens doors and walks you to your car. He even makes sure to walk on the outside of sidewalks because that’s where men belong.

And then he breaks your heart. Just like the rest of the girls that came before. It only lasts a couple weeks and he finds a new target. My case was different though. I got the same lines everyone else probably did. The whole I don’t want a relationship right now, but that's exactly what he left me for. A relationship with someone who (I'm sorry) was ugly. Someone who didn’t allow him to grow into the person I know he could be. He says she made him better, but I didn’t see it. In fact, I saw him become less of a man. That wasn’t who I was attracted to.

The guy I liked gave me the best conversations. We talked about music, always finding that we shared many favorites. Music did to me what it did to him. We had songs that we could get lost in and they were the same ones. He could make me laugh by making a complete fool of himself and I admired him for it. The first time we ever danced together, he wasn’t that great, but he took a class and couldn’t wait to show me what he had learned. I could see the improvements. I was glad he wanted to impress me. He wasn’t this guy when he was with her.

You could say it was the typical thoughts that come after being dumped, but for me it was true. It still is true. She was another one of those “I can’t believe he is dating her” type of girl. I lost a lot of respect for him, but not because I was rejected. I just lost it. he didn't deserve it anymore.

It was hard for me. We had never talked about why it ended. We didn’t even talk when he decided he was going to move on. He just did it. And then he did it to her. Luckily for her, she got half a year out of him, unlike the days or weeks everyone else got, or the few months I got. I thought I would be happy when he left her, but I wasn’t. There were a couple times after their break-up where he would invite me somewhere and I would give in. I would go, but we never talked about us. A million thoughts went through my mind. It had to be awkward for him too. It was for me, even though I made myself believe it wasn’t.

Two whole years after our first encounter and he jokes about it one night in a car. We both laugh it off and finally have our talk. Prior to this, I really did find myself to be over him. I was talking to a guy who was sweet, a guy I could really like. But this night in the car, I fell to that charm again as he kissed me. It all came back in that short, but sweet kiss. Everything I fought hard to get rid of. For a couple of nights following that one, we talked. It was just like it used to be. He was the guy I fell for, not the one he became with that other girl. He said all the right things and for a minute I gave in.

But then I finally took a step back and looked at it. There was no way this was going to work. On top of him not treating me right with the first “break-up,” we had a lot of other, extremely complicated things to consider. Things that could get us into a lot of trouble. We both saw it. We both knew we couldn’t make it work so we ended it before it could really start up again. Not an inch of me felt bad about it either. I’m glad it’s done. I’m glad I can let it go and see what this other guy has to offer. I have let go and I’m perfectly fine.

~Michelle Mitchell