Ummm...yes?

By Jordan Bunger

What do I need most right now? What is going to give me the highest reward? What will make me the person I want to be? What is it I have to do to finally get over the hump? How is progress going to come? How can I destroy the stagnant plateau?

I must accept myself as the person I am. I am not the bubbly, social butterfly type. I do not control conversations. It is not in my character to be the center of attention. But hell, I make a vow, right here, right now. I can control the controlables. I will be social. I will be talkative. I will stand on the same ground as the butterflies and go toe to toe. But I’m going towards the light in my own way. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but you only see it if you’re on the right path. “Find yourself first, don’t you be no fool.” Find your right path.

It’s like a wave. You start low, at the bottom. Everyone does - don’t be discouraged. Why not? Because the wave keeps on traveling up if you want it. The wave dips and crashes all the time, but it keeps washing up on shore, then back out again…up, down, up, down. Sometimes…up, up, up. Others…down, down, down. The cycle won’t stop, it only tweaks itself, evolves and shows new variations.

Creativity comes to play. Play with it. Engage. I know, it’s not the same as it was the last time. But that’s the point. If it didn’t change up each time, you’d be stuck in the mundane. You do not want to be stuck in the mundane. It’s ugly, muddy, nasty, nasty, business. There’s no use being stuck there. There’s no use.

Float on down. Let the river run you away. Run all the way. Run ‘till there’s no more water, and keep on pushing – you will move forward. Reach higher, travel further, adjust your eyes, close them, open them, cross ‘em together, make one go in circles, the other dead focused, however you like, just relocate the light.

Ok. Found it. Back on track. Feel the flow move you. Do you remember this from the last time? It felt great. I remember the feeling. The lovely melody was playing. You know the one: High pitch. Volume low. Treble middle. Bass up. Soul, fa sho. Focused in on the task at hand. I am myself right now. The music, the one in my ears of course, but I mean the silent melody playing in my head. That’s the best one. That’s the one you want to hear. But no, you don’t hear it in the natural sense. It’s inaudible to those around me. I’m aware of its presence. I know it’s there, feeding me, supplying me with nutrition, mental stability, with focus.

I conclude as it grips me, as it holds me tight in its arms. The light is fully lit. I love the feeling. Oh, I love feeling. I accept myself for the person I am.