Faster Food

I find myself at the window again.
“Think this through, you’re at the point of no return.” my mind pleads.
“If you don’t act quick, I’ll eat my self.” my stomach growls.
“I’ll have the number one, grilled onions. Neapolitan shake.” my mouth whispers.

How did I get here? Do I know you? I sure hope not, I may need to change my name after wandering into an establishment like this (that’s why we drive through the back door, glasses and hat on full blast). What being worth an ounce of their philosophical nature would run the commuter’s cookout? Body and soul blast each other to hell in the fast food line. Metabolism slows, senses shut down, lethargy. But you are what you eat.

I revel in trips to In n Out. Here’s how it goes: Do you like food? Yes. How about food cooked and served to you by others? Even more yes. Ok, what if you are absolutely starving and you don’t even need to get out of your car? Shut up you taunting magician.

Laziness. THE reason. Fast food loves lazy people and lazy people sure as hell love fast food. They’d make it faster if they weren’t so lazy. So why even make indoors an option at BK? Take away the Whopper’s home and he might just find himself by the way side. It’s the lack of commitment that gets me, I suppose. If you can take the time to get out of your car, walk around, interact—just go to the grocery store! All the exercise you’re experiencing during that parking lot marathon is doing a disservice to the rest of us sensicals enjoying our seat-heaters and satellite radio while waiting for the goods.

I used to be under the impression that fast food was cheap. Then I went to Carls JR. Ten dollars lighter my taste buds hated me. Remember, a “Six-dollar burger” does not imply class or quality; it just wraps secondhand preservatives in a slightly greasier, sorry excuse for “gourmet”. Dollar menus will be a thing of the past as the demand for quick sans quality foods rises in our hectic/lazy/busier days ahead.

Can we just agree on Fry-Only fast food? I’m almost positive the only reason burgers are sold is to get the fries that come with the meal. It’s about time this process is streamlined. The bovine community would greatly appreciate the sentiment I am sure, if they could just get their damn heads off the grass.

Ok, so fast food isn’t my cup of tea, largely because I don’t like pieces of rat in my tea. Technically, I’ve devolved to faster food. You know, the fruits and nuts kind. Raw. Prepackaged by mother Nature, ready to be eaten on the instant. Something about eating a food whose source involved dirt, water, and a little bit of love gives me a satiated warm feeling, opposed to the creeping acidic burn laboratories seem to instill in me. Rule of thumb, if leftovers from the meal you ate the night before still look untouched on the counter in a perpetual sheen of pesticides—before you finish those remaining bites—think about the battle your digestive track just undertook and reconsider.


Weston Finfer