Grow Up

When you are a little kid one of your greatest fears is that your parents will abandon you and leave you to fend for yourself. When I was five, this was my greatest fear. I refused to stray too far from my mom in the grocery store, and I would not let my dad walk anywhere without holding my hand. I was scared that as soon as we separated, we would be separated forever. As I grew older this anxiety lessened and lessened. Soon I did not need my dad to hold my hand nor want him to. In the grocery store I was happy to go off on my own and get the groceries I wanted. I no longer feared losing my parents or them abandoning me. I was gaining independence and I loved it. As soon as I got my license I was driving all over the place visiting friends, staying out way past curfew and doing my usual shenanigans. When it came time to go away to college, I was so excited I could not contain myself. When my mom and dad moved me into my dorm I dreamt of the moment they would leave and I would truly be on my own, in charge of my life. Now I am a sophomore in college and already live on my own (well minus a few things I still have to rely on my parents for). In the last two years I have only been home for a total of three weeks. I stayed the summer in Los Angeles and got an internship with a music marketing company and a job as a hostess at Barney’s Beanery on the promenade. I was/am running my life.
This weekend is parents weekend and my mom decided she wants to come down and visit me. When she told me I was so excited to have her come. I jumped up and down thinking how proud of me she will be seeing how clean my house is and how independent and put together I have come. Even though we speak at least once a week it is a rare occurrence as of late for her to see me in person. When going over all the things I wanted to show her and the friends I want her to meet I realized something. I am no longer the little girl that cried when she left me. Even though I still love my mom with all my heart and are overcome with happiness when I see her, I do not need her the way I used to. It is funny how in life we grow up without even noticing it. We wake up one morning and boom; we have this independence that snuck up on us. I am proud to say that I can take care of myself and not ashamed to say that at times, all I need is a hug from my mom or for my dad to once again hold my hand.

--Alyssa Bermudes