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"If you go back with a man who hits you, it is because you don't feel you're worthy of being with a man who won't."
- Oprah Winfrey


It happens everywhere: this domestic violence…and the women who stay with their abusers. In the United States alone, approximately 1.3 million women are physically assaulted every year. It has come to the point where talk show hosts such as Tyra Banks and Oprah Winfrey have intervened in order to build awareness on such a devastating phenomenon. Just last month, Chris Brown was charged with two felonies for assaulting the Barbados-born singer, Rihanna. The two initially called it quits, but they have reportedly gotten back together.

But why? Why go back to someone who tried to take your life in his own hands with no regard to the potential outcome of his actions? Why, are some women so blinded by this so-called “love” factor? Love should never hurt; love does not yield busted lips and contusions on your forehead. We know about Chris and Rihanna because they, along with other celebrities, have cameras in their faces on a daily basis; but this epidemic is spreading throughout the United States, whether you’re famous or not.

What makes one want to stay? Financial dependency, religion, loyalty, family and social values, low self-esteem, love, denial, shame, embarrassment and humiliation, psychological dependency, and fear…all in some way, shape, or form, have strait-jacketed the will-power of a woman to just LEAVE. To just LET GO. To just MOVE ON. It is so easy to say but I know it is harder to do.

According to Oprah Winfrey, returning to an abusive relationship boils down to how the victim feels about herself. I believe this to be true because I, too, had fallen victim to abuse at one point in my life. No, he never raised a hand at me in anger (because if he had I swear I’d chop off his most prized possession), but I did allow him to get into my head—the damages being just as severe, if not more, than physical abuse. There was a time in my life where I was in such a vulnerable state of mind, and a feeble mind is the easiest mind to torment. He was good with words; so then this feeble mind of mine clung to that smooth talker which equaled more pain and more mental anguish. But unlike so many, I was able to dig deep down; deep, deep down until I dug out my inner strength; I pictured my self at a peace of mind, a closure to what once held me back from inner growth. I walked away from that relationship. I got out. But so many do not.

The faulty disposition these emotionally and physically battered women hold to is the notion that they NEED these men in their lives; that they are not deserving of a real man—one who can understand that putting their hands on or talking down to someone is never justifiable. Ever. Women must take ownership of their dignity and take back the control of their own lives, finally reaching a point when they can stand tall and say, “Enough is enough.”


Jennifer Vassel
Photo Credit: Domestic Violence Ads