Waiting

Passions can elevate a person to the best of their ability, and allow him or her become an honest, and incredibly unique being. However passions remain veiled until you come across them. During my high school years, my mother had asked me, “what are your passions?” and I stood there contemplating and found myself without a true, personal answer. Strangely, the thought never came across to me then and suddenly the little light bulb above my head lit brighter than ever. Suffering a lack of motivation, there was no direct path I felt inclined to take. Instead of taking the road less traveled, I chose the generic, follow your persuasions motto. Although there was failure in finding an honest passion, the school taught me ordinance and brought an astute awareness of subjects which opened up possible directions.
College brought me the opportunity to discover what I may have truly enjoyed. Although always enjoying stories and writing, my English writing was weak amongst others. It is true that the English language is my third language but I have been a part of this country far too long to use that as excuse. The first semester was a chance to have a bright new beginning but I still had an unclear view on my passions. Fearful that my writings would further be panned by professors, English was not amongst the favorite of subjects in the beginning. However, I embraced the stories given in class and my responses and my overall writing was embraced rather quickly. Shocked by this occurrence, I felt inclined to believe that maybe the teacher was light on students. How could I have gone from mediocrity to actually being credible. Maybe deep down I was passionate about writing and should consider it as a possible major. After changing my intended major to English I immediately began to doubt it. However, many of my classes have been thoroughly engaging and provocative. Despite how interesting many of the subjects were, I can't tell you how many nights I spent glaring at the computer for a few minutes after just typing the heading. I would patiently stare at the silent blinking line waiting for me on the barren white page. Those first set of words always manage to remain distant from your thoughts until it suddenly finally arrives. I'd also always commit psychological suicide after deliberately waiting to write that long research paper at the last minute. Why do we do this to ourselves? I have learned that confidence is the only slayer of procrastination. The only reason we never want to face the assignment is because we're afraid to do poorly on it. Each day wasted makes each word and phrase weaker than it could have been and once you realize it, you don't ever want to make that mistake again. But it creeps back every time only because you let yourself do it. This last year, with a few exceptions, I've managed to not burden myself with last minute assignments. Counting down the hours, power naps, and using that library for the next nine hours straight, is one hell of an experience, and certainly gives you a great rush once you've completed. In the long run it will itch you when you knew a better paper or exam could've been accomplished, only because you were passionate about it to begin with.