The Truth About Tomboys

Tomboy. Most of us commonly associate the term with girls who act like boys. A clear picture pops in our heads: the hardcore sports chick who wears men’s basketball shorts, no make-up, probably wearing a wife beater, maybe flannel like Christina Ricci in Now and Then. A girl who could hang with the boys, level with them.

But for Filipinos, it’s not just a colloquialism—it’s an inside joke; a dirty little secret. For us, it’s a clever euphemism for a Filipino lesbian.

I’d never really thought about it before but with the holidays behind us and Valentine’s Day on the way, romance and relationships are never too far from on most people’s minds. What with visiting the family during the breaks: Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day parties. The endless plates of lumpia and probably some jamon, it’s like an annual inventory for many of us Filipinos to catch up with life, not to mention everyone else’s lives.

You know the drill: How’s school? What are you planning to do after college? How are your grades? Have you gained weight, what happened—did your boyfriend dump you? Every and any question about what you’ve been up to and who you’ve been up to get asked during what’s supposed to be the jolliest time of the year in between greeting your extended family or miscellaneous guests and opening your gifts.

And with gay marriage as one of 2008’s hot-button election issues, sexual orientation and sexual preference seem to matter more than ever or is at least catching the attention of many in our nation. Which is probably why the word tomboy stuck out to me, not just because of what it indicates, but just the way it’s handled. It’s generally whispered between old Filipino ladies over a cup of coffee and hot dose of gossip, followed by a hearty high pitched laugh, while the men shake their heads. Because it’s a joke. Something no one ever takes too seriously, because they don’t believe any relationship that involves another woman works out for any Filipino lesbian. They’re parents who see their tomboy daughters just going through a phase. Eventually they grow out of it, become normal. Which surprises me as no Filipino will blink twice at a gay Filipino man who cross-dresses and wears more makeup than their own mothers (well, as long as they’re funny).

Sure, you can dismiss it as a cultural upbringing issue or the fact that over 80% of Filipinos are Catholic, but it’s not a problem of acceptance. That’s what most of my non-Filipino friends consider the issue to be, they say our religious beliefs are getting in the way, as the Catholic Church generally forbids relations between persons of the same sex. But that’s not the issue. Of course we accept it, Filipinos rarely deny a kinsman. After all, they’re family and for many Filipinos in the U.S., that’s all we have sometimes, each other.

It’s just the way we talk about these so-called tomboys that bothers me. Whether you believe or not that sexual orientation is a choice or determined in the womb, it’s a bold statement of your definition of love, your definition and your choice of your relationships. And it seems to me that who you love is a serious issue no matter if it’s someone of the opposite or the same sex. Love isn’t a joke, neither is the way you define it. And it’s only now that I realize that do I’m beginning to understand that the fight for gay marriage and for gay rights is a fight for love in terms of its identification and its validation.

Only now I’m beginning to understand just how hard and how serious that fight is.

Issa Morada