Socioeconomic Dating

Is it possible to date someone outside of your socioeconomic status? I used to think it would never work. How can it work? One person has the advantage over their significant other. Someone has had more privilege, wealth, and advantages in life. The other may have struggled just to obtain the bare necessities of life. When two people come together from different social and economic backgrounds, there is bound to be Trouble. I have been dating a guy from a different socioeconomic background for the last two years and it has not been smooth sailing.

For the last ten years, I have lived in Westchester, CA, an area that is considered middle class. However, I have not always lived in a neighborhood that had the nice house with the picket fence. My youth is filled with the memories of growing up in Inglewood, CA where my days were spent running around with cousins and eating meals from a plastic table and chair. The occurrence of the Rodney Kind riots, however, forced us to move out of Inglewood. Although I am constantly visiting the city of my childhood, my perception of life had altered because of my socioeconomic status. I attended Catholic schools since I was in Kindergarten and I was the first in my family to go to college. My family has expectations that I will succeed in my studies and eventually date a man with a similar mentality about life.

I dreamed that my boyfriend would be a smart, funny, and attractive young man filled with goals and dreams of the future. My boyfriend, however, did not meet any of my initial expectations. He was not assertive or a dreamer. He had no care or concern for anyone but himself. He had no clue who he was or what he wanted in life. He did not want to change the world nor did he exude confidence within himself.
I wanted a man; instead, I received an abandoned child. He had the disadvantages of being raised in a poor environment in his youth. He spoke of the days that his family was close but the death of loved ones eventually caused a rift with his extended family members. I felt a connection with him. He had sadness in his eyes, deplete of hope and faith in life. He reminded me of myself when I was in high school, experiencing my Eeyore days of dark and gloom. I found myself drawn to him and before I knew it we started dating. When we began to get to know each other, warning bells would resonate in my head, Don’t fall for him.

I fell hard two years ago and till this day, I continue to struggle to make it work. Since I have spent a majority of my life surrounded by male friends from the middle class, it was difficult being with a man who failed to take the initiative to take me out and contribute to our relationship, ranging from emotional to economical. Now, he has made a great improvement in taking an active role in our relationship. He has opened up to me on an emotional level and contributes on an economic level when he is able to do so. Although we have had our good and bad days, it has been worth the effort to be with him. He may not be able to provide me with material or superficial things, but he has given me his love, trust, and respect. When he has given me flowers or a necklace, they are special for they show his affection. Over time, I had to develop patience and understanding towards him, which inevitably affected my mentality towards our relationship.

My expectations of men have altered. Although I continue to “wear the pants” in the relationship, I have come to learn that I don’t want a man to dominate my relationship. Although I take the stronger initiative in the relationship, it has taught me to be conscientious and considerate of my boyfriend. I had to learn to accept him for who he is, not what I wanted him to become. I had experienced constant disappointment and frustration with him, which had caused much tension and issues at the beginning of the relationship. As we continued to grow and develop together, I began to appreciate the positive qualities about him, instead of searching for qualities that I wanted to be there. He taught me what it means to appreciate someone else without the advantages that social and economic factors would provide. We are not caught up in the world of materialism. When we want to seek out entertainment, we usually go to the movies and dinner. The reality of our socioeconomic differences has created a stronger bond between us. We are honest and open with each other. Money and status can’t buy that.

Jennifer Ellspermann