Age: Apparently NOT "Just A Number"

A year ago during Christmas I was nestled in the familiar river nook of Vermont's valley region when I came into contact with a peculiar situation. At this time I'd (reluctantly) accepted an invitation to a performance of Beauty and the Beast with my father and my four-year-old sister, SophiA. I attended the event and after two excruciating hours of Disney-fied merriment, candlesticks and teacups took their bow and I grabbed Sophia's hand to make a bee-line for the exit.
On our way out we were stopped in the foyer by a middle-aged Joe who took a fondness to the little creature on my arm. Crouching down to my sister's level, he smiled like the cheshire cat and cooed questions, to which the shy preschooler nibbled her thumb and gazed upward.
"Don't worry," the man laughed, addressing both my father and myself, "Your daughter will grow out of it. Have you started her in school yet?"
An odd pause hung in the air as I stood there, momentarily dumbfounded by the mistake made. As my father launched into an answer, my mental wheels hastily sprung in motion: my father, a grey-haired 63-year-old, is assumed to be married to me, 20, because we are caring for a four-year-old child and, by our interaction, none can fathom any other relationship to her. This case seemed evident as, while my father yapped, the adoring man seemed to calculate the trio before him, his darting eyes no doubt holding the abhorrent image of my father and I walking down the aisle. I shuddered at the thought but had a strong feeling this uncomfortable experience would not be my last.
And I was right. After that day I began to open my eyes to the reactions of passersby. Upon observation I found that a child at your side will earn a great amount of attention in the form of affection or, less desirably, the form of disapproval. On solo expeditions with Sophia I often was coddled by elderly women; "Oh she's such a good girl! Isn't she a good girl? I bet she wants a lollipop!". Other curious parties tend to gape and quickly look away, contributing a condemning smirk, or 'discretely' shaking their heads in pity. "A young mother!" I imagine them saying, "I'd never let my teenager get pregnant."
Come on, America, why can't you depart from established ideas and expectations of age? Sure, folks might be getting married and pregnant in their twenties, but does that mean a young woman and child accompanied by a post-mid-life male automatically equals a "traditional" family unit? Does it mean that because I'm of age to have children others have a right to assume I'm the mother of a child I'm with? Or do they conclude I became pregnant young and my father is a helpful grandpa? Maybe, but they shouldn't.
This problem of expectations can extend beyond this circumstance to apply to a lovely bouquet of awkward situations. I was alarmed the night a student I hardly knew approached me at a small gathering and waved her finger at me for dating a younger man, "Why are you messing with him? He's a BABY!" I stood speechless with my drink in my hand as I looked to my guy, wrapped in an intense political conversation. Briefly I concocted an image of myself prowling the playground, dangling candy in an unsuspecting youngster's face in deplorable hopes for a date. This is, after all, the image projected on many females who become romantically involved with a man their junior. But my boyfriend and I are ONE YEAR apart! What's the problem, y'all?
It is a double standard that many fail to acknowledge. If the people in the previous circumstance switched genders, the issue would be dismissed. Similarly, if the first situation were reversed and a 60-something female was out with a 20 year old male and toddler, SOMETHING makes me suspect those adults would not be distinguished as a romantic duo.
Is it so difficult for people to accept the smallest departures from storybook scenarios of families and relationships? Must I wear a sign when I'm out with my family that loudly declares, "THIS IS MY FATHER, THIS IS MY SISTER"? Do I have to explain that my parents are divorced and that, yes my dad has a younger wife and yes he met her in Russia, a place where age gaps in marriage are common? Must I defend my relationship with a man merely months behind me?
Folks, open your eyes and expand your mind. We are living in another era of change, so stop waiting around for an explanation to 'abnormal' circumstance. We must maintain the idea that people are diverse, remembering a golden concept: age is just a number. Oh yea, and don't forget what mama said, "To assume makes an ASS out of U and ME."

Alison S. May