Heart Half Full or Half Empty?

Brush your teeth before you go to bed. Say “please” and “thank you.” Do your laundry.

From the time that we take our wobbly first steps, we are told what to do—first by our parents and then later by our friends. These messages are subtle—not always spoken—and often conveyed by just a simple look. But when the basics of personal hygiene have been achieved and most people will agree that you have been socialized correctly, our peers seem to turn their attention to that final frontier: love.
As soon as relationships graduate from the “early high school years” and start to become more serious, people (and I mean outsiders looking in) begin to be much more critical of the convention itself. Everyone has an opinion or a comment about your relationship or lack thereof—whether they tell you nor not. There seems to have been volumes upon volumes of dating dos and don’ts compiled in the minds of men and women for centuries, and now passed down to me, my friends, and everyone else 20-40 years old.

I am exhausted of buying into all the things I’ve heard: You shouldn’t date too young. You should have a boyfriend in high school. You have to be single in order to “find yourself”. You shouldn’t settle. You should wait at least six months after a break up before finding a new relationship. You should “enjoy” as many people as possible while you’re young. And so on…
It’s too confusing and it ignores the most important part of a relationship: what you want. Let’s not forget to mention that throwing these rules out the door would save the world truckloads of miscommunications when it comes to dating. If you doubt this, go buy a ticket for He’s Just Not that Into You and think of me when the main character is trapped in the bathroom calling her friend for dating advice. Sometimes I think honesty is underestimated.

Never are these obligations and expectations more apparent than during Valentine’s Day. If you don’t have a valentine you feel like you should; if you do, you feel like you’re missing out on a fun girls’ night. Whatever your situation might be, enjoy it because as soon as you get into a relationship you are going to wonder about being single again and vice versa. The grass is always greener on the other side.

For whatever reasons, I have managed to find myself in relationships for the last four years. But never once have I actually felt that that is what I am “supposed” to be doing as a “wild” college student. And who is it that makes me feel that way? …because these relationships have been fun and nurturing for me—and learning experiences in the very least. Listening to what everyone else has to say forced me to ask the question: who am I really living for? I consciously had to stop caring about what other people thought and now I feel happier because of it.

We all need to stop playing into these messages on how to love, how to be in a relationship, and how to be out of one. There is no right or wrong way to live life. If what you are doing puts a smile on your face and a giggle in your throat, you are probably doing something right.

So for this Valentine’s Day, whether you are cuddling up to a boyfriend or girlfriend, or maybe just a bottle of wine and a movie, be content. My yoga instructor has one favorite saying for when you cannot seem to reach your toes like everyone else: “You are here and that’s where you are.” It’s so simple, yet so true.

Laura Woods