The Married Life

Unfortunately, marriage has been blacklisted by much of society because this entity has highlighted the negative and concealed the positive. Marriage is such a beautiful thing that should be respected and held to standards of dedication and long-term commitment because it is based off of love, not lust, and love is everlasting. I have been married for a bit over 3 years now to a great man named Ernest. I was married at 18 and he was 21. As does any couple, we go through our rough terrains but those trials just make our relationship and friendship stronger in endurance, compassion, understanding, appreciation, and love for one another. I believe that my husband and I are rare but never would I agree to marriage being a foreign and unattainable thing for the young.

Ernest and I started dating a year after we knew each other as good friends. During the friendship period I got to know him for the person he is and not the person who has modified himself to impress me. We were dating for roughly 3½ years before we got married and to this day I feel like I married my best friend.

Marriage is a union between two people based on agape love: love that is everlasting, merciful, and enduring. Personally, I feel that compatibility is one of several key factors to marriage as well as maturity. It’s really a beautiful thing when the two people are compatible. Before I go further, this is not about me saying that everyone should just make a spur of the moment choice to marry whomever you are dating at the moment. That would just make matters worse. Getting to know someone takes time, getting to know yourself and what you are looking for may take even longer. As stated earlier, marriage is a long-term commitment. Therefore, it should never be rushed. With that said, commonality, too, is very important in marriage. Ernest and I share many of the same goals, mentalities, philosophies of life and humanity, religion, likes and dislikes. This was a great foundation for us because we are now able to enjoy each other’s company and conversation without needing to argue about things like where or what to eat because we both like to eat a variety of foods, or nag each other about why don’t you see things like this or why is it so hard for you to…blah, blah, blah. We are definitely not the same person so we do have some arguments but our commonalities and love for one another override any strife we have.

God views marriage as honorable and a strong bond that none but God can separate. Society today is very anti-marriage. The general view is that marriage is only a legal piece of paper that allows you benefits. In retaliation to me getting married people (including family) would say things like, “statistics say that your marriage will fail”, “you’re too young, you’ll just get pregnant and drop out of school”, “your life is going to be ruined” and worse. One family member even tried bribing me. Ridiculous, I know. But I’ll be the first to say that Ernest and I have beaten all odds and have overcome adversity. I am graduating in May, my husband in June with his masters, we don’t have any kids, and I can’t be happier. I haven’t heard a peep out of those who thought we would fail because of their general, societal, view of marriage. Empowering…definitely.

Being married has helped me in so many ways. For example, it has helped me in regards to dealing with and relieving stress, assistance with tough decisions, various levels of personal growth, and the list continues. A husband/wife is suppose to be someone who knows you best and there is nothing in the world better than having a companion – other than mom, dad, sister, or brother – by your side who you can trust to have your best interest in mind.

As I have said my journey has been an amazing experience. I truly feel happy and complete with no regrets. We have conquered the odds and are looking forward to a bright future and I want others to have the opportunity to do and feel the same. Society has obscured the true meaning of marriage and has hidden the very positive and uplifting aspects of this union. So I want to attempt to undo what has been done by telling my story; showing people that marriage is not a hex on ones life, neither is it a burden, life ruining force, or piece of paper. It is a union based on agape love that should be respected and sacred. Take heed.

- Cairesse Grimes