Pardon My Pantaloons

Can you call it a sport if they wear pants? Recently, we witnessed Angel Cabrera in the Masters at Augusta. He beat, among others, Tiger Woods and Phil Michelson. If you saw these guys in a lineup, Angel would be the guy who makes you think “What’s wrong with this picture?” I will concede that Golf is a competition, but I’m not agreeing that it is a sport. Angel can drive the ball further than anyone, other than perhaps John Daly, another paragon of physical excellence. He then smokes a cigarette on his way down the fairway to where he hit the ball.

If golf was a sport, John Daly and Angel Cabrera would never beat Tiger Woods. Just look at the three of them. One of them has no body fat(Tiger), and the other two are covered in it. Angel beating Tiger is like Willie Nelson beating Michael Jordan in a game of basketball. And there is also something just plain wrong about the pants they wear in golf. Ugly, fluorescent and paisley plaid. Where’s the dignity?

After Angel won the Masters, it would be understandable to say that he was a great golfer. One could say that in the moment he was the greatest golfer in the world. But I don’t think anyone would look at him and say he was an athlete, and don’t sports have athletes? And there is still the pants thing. Shorts give the limbs freedom of motion, unhindered, a requirement for athletic competition, and not necessary for walking across a field and hitting a golf ball.

What about car racing? Once again, definitely a competition, but is it a sport? Keep in mind that these guys(men and women) are competing while sitting in a car. A race can last up to five hours, about the time it takes to drive from Los Angeles to Las Vegas. I’ve done that myself but I’m not making any claim to be an athlete or competing in a sport, just because I sat in a car for the whole way there.

How about baseball? I’m not sure if they really wear pants, they are more like pajamas, and I’m just not allowing a sport to be played in the same clothes that you sleep in. Bowling? Competition yes, sport? probably not.

Here’s a problem: basketball qualifies as a sport for many reasons, but there is a troubling trend with the length of the shorts. They’ve gone from the embarrassing “John Stockton shorts” to versions that are longer and longer every year. If they’re not careful, they’ll be playing in pants and then we’ll have to wonder aloud: “is basketball a sport if they wear pants?”

Photos courtesy of ingolfwetrust.com and usatoday.com

Thank You
Ron Brown